Are We There Yet?

Yes!

I've done it!

Sorry everyone about me bragging again, but I have to say it!

I've managed to get not only 32 laps during my swim today, but I also broke that record with another 8 more; I managed to swim 40 laps in 1 hour 5 minutes (with an additional 5 minute break in there somewhere).

Despite me shaking all over, I feel great! There's this great feeling inside me every time I accomplish something like this. There's this great feeling about myself that I don't feel so guilty for not doing nothing or for eating too much and not doing anything about the excess fats.
In a way, this is how I gather a bit of self-esteem about myself. By accomplishing something like this, which also prepares myself for the future, I find that I feel a lot better about myself. I don't feel so useless. I don't feel mindless. And I don't feel so dead.

The best part about exercising like this is the feeling afterwards. The exercising itself is the worse. I don't think many people really enjoy or really wanna do the exercising bit. It's an absolute torture to push yourself to complete the exercise. The pain and agony of struggling to breathe and to force your concentrated lactic acid muscles to push further can be excruciating. Sometimes I find it so demanding and routine-like that I start wondering why I do this for. In all honesty, I don't like to exercise. I find it a pain and very tedious to maintain. All this repetitiveness gets to me. Sadly, this has to be done if I am to remain fit so I sometimes force myself to do it. It's hard to see the results immediately, but eventually, the results will show itself sooner or later. Above all the pain, the joy and satisfaction at the end will have to do.

I think in this 'go' today in the pool, I managed to get that far because of the break I had from the pool from doing a large number of laps; especially the one I did on Monday. With that in mind, I think I will give myself a few days before I jump back into the pool - just so I can recover from whatever repercussion I encountered on my body during the swim today.


Anyway, with swimming and exercising aside, lemme talk about something else.
Lemme talk about my mum's departure. Actually, not so much my mum leaving but rather, the effects of it. The effects of what has occurred when she left with my grandma to go back to Australia.

I think I was just about to get used to the whole living alone away from the family-home situation after staying here for over 3 months, but when my mum was about to leave, I realised that I had been pampered without me knowing. I realised that my mum had been nurturing, spoiling and loving me without me even noticing until she was going to leave me for two years.

It was scary. I'll say that. Leaving my mum for a good two years till I can see her again is a scary thought; especially after having been here for a few weeks. I think the effects of her motherly comforting made me wish I wouldn't be on my own like this again. Even though I know my mum and dad are reading this, I find it hard muster up the strength to admit but we have really been loved by our parents. As strange as that might sound for me to admit this, I have to say that no matter what we've been through, they have been there for us. They've been there to help us through whatever obstacles came our way and with their experience and wisdom, we as kids take on whatever advice they give for our benefit. Sometimes we don't like what our parents are telling us and also, we don't like to tell our parents what has been happening with us because they are with us all the time. But now that I'm away from home, it becomes a little bit harder because everything they've taught in the past comes into play. Now I have to use whatever knowledge they have bestowed upon me to do what is right by myself without their watchful eye upon me.
So when we compare this with other kids around the world, there's a whole lotta difference. When I hear of things that happen else where with friends of different countries in different lives, I can't help but feel so fortunate and blessed that I am in this life and not in another.


Anyway, when my mum was gonna leave, I discovered that not only did she treat me like a spoilt child, but also I had become one myself. Having my way in most things, screaming like a little sissy girl demanding to be heard, or just wetting my pants just so I could have someone bring me to the toilet-- Well, no not really. None of those things are really real. None of them happened.
But the point is, it was great to be pampered by my mum again - for one last time for a very very long time. One 'very' for each year to go.

But that wasn't the worse part. The worse part was the thought of them going back to Australia. 'Them' being my mum and grandma together. I envied my grandma so much that I even contemplated dressing up like her so I could take her place on the plane. If I looked like her in the passport, I think I could have pulled it off. It'd be one scary lady though. Tall, firm skinned, broad shouldered, short haired, flat chested old 'lady'. Oh dear.
Anyway, what I was saying was, I'm sure she wouldn't mind if she just stayed here like usual. It's not like there's this great need for her to see Australia now.

Unfortunately, I didn't really have a choice. If I did take her place on that plane, it wouldn't have made a difference because I had to come back to do my NS. It was either sneaking on board and facing the consequences of running away from the Singaporean NS, or staying here for a good two years serving my time and not being able to leave the country. There wasn't really much else I could do. I guess I am stuck here for a very very long time.


As they were getting ready to leave, I started thinking about Australia. I started to think of the friends, the house, the cars, the air, the roads, the flies, everything. I thought about it all. That was when I began to feel sad and homesick again. To have in your head the fact that someone was going back to all that made me envious. I wanted it. I really really wanted it. One 'really' for each year to go.

I know, every one's gonna say something like "Stop complaining, it's only two years", "Take it like a man you girl", "It's not very long. Just enjoy your time there and before you know it, it would be all over", "Can't you see that what you are doing is simply irritating the the hairs on the back of my neck? If we had a particle accelerator to determine the size of an electron, I still wouldn't be able to find any interest in what you're complaining about in the electron."

Hmmm, not too sure if the last one made any sense at all but anyway, I just wanna say this.
I don't care that I whining. I want to whine, and it's great. Complaining about how I long to go back is something I will do once in a while to build this great expectation for Australia when I actually do go back in two years time. Then, when I go back, I will be extremely disappointed because everything there is dry, red and very hot. As a matter of fact, I'm predicting that the whole of Australia will become a desert when I get back. Just like how Nostradamus predicted that Christ would return in 2000, I'm predicting this. What a glorious day it will be when I return.

When I step out from the Melbourne airport and into that warm dry air in February 2009, it will be one moment I will be taking in slowly with my friends beside me. That will be the day when I will be a very happy man. Provided I'm not loaded with diarrhoea and stomach pains from whatever food we ate while travelling prior to our arrival back home. Then I think I'd wanna rush back to unpack; and I don't mean the luggage.